3/31

The water is too hot, but i don't know that. I step in there routinely; shuffle quickly to get out from under the direct stream. I slip, bash my frontal bone, dig it deep through my dura mater and slicing my brain.

One night in DC, the Metro is teeming with life, but in a bad way. My brother has on his summer whites - (and this next part is hazy, but it goes something like) - accidentally bumping shoulders, shoving and shouting and then, he apologizes too late. Blood everywhere, pools of it. And he curls up. Dying alone. Me? Well, my throat bleeds, I pull out my hair and my chest explodes, shooting bits of sternum right through my heart. Dead, right then and there.

This one? Well, I'm walking alone. I get raped. Jeans ripped and shirt bloody with struggles. Passing, the months bring no relief, so I bring my own.

Brain tumor. Easy.

Metal from the car door divides my neck in two
or the semi-truck's chain snaps loose and flaps wildly through my window
or some punk-ass 16 year old doesn't stop at the stop sign and next thing you know, my teeth are crumbs and my veins (all of them) severed.

Random act of violence - the small bones in my face all smashed, rendering me unrecognizable. And chaos, void of details.
Dying that way, in a frenzy.

Always dying.